Things I Learned about Relationships When a Relationship Didn’t Work

After exiting a relationship that left me wondering where the person had gone that used to inhabit my body, the biggest revelation I had was that I needed to take a long hard look at myself. As much as I liked the thought of how much I could have saved on my therapy bill by blaming everything on my former partner, that would have been taking the easy way out. At some point doing that would be the most expensive choice I could have made. We choose the people we’re with for a reason. As hard as it may be to admit, that reason may not always come from a healthy place. If you up-level to a healthier place, your odds of finding a gem increase exponentially. Here are some of my thoughts on how to pick the right person by being the right person.

1. Take a look at what you were taught about how relationships work. Do these jive with what your adult self believes? Think about the most significant relationships in your life and assess whether or not you and your person should have the same dynamic. It can take some time to tweak your beliefs and internal dialogue.

2. Don’t lose yourself.

3. Live your life like you could take care of yourself in the other person’s absence.

4. All other relationships are still important.

5. Don’t get lazy. Continue to be the smoking hot lady you are. Translation: take pride in every aspect of yourself even when you’re “off the market.”

6. When you find someone who has some lasting potential, choose that person every day.

Disclaimer: If you follow the steps above, buckle up. The objects in your review mirror may be closer, and potentially larger, than they appear (see the beliefs I refer to in #1). The good news, though, is that with time and some serious effort, they’ll disappear.

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